Executive leaders play an important role in developing their organisation’s next generation of leaders. One of the best ways to do this is through executive mentoring. However, not all great executives have the mentoring skills necessary to cultivate a successful mentoring relationship, and those who are new to it frequently make mistakes.
Here are four common mistakes that executives should take care to avoid when mentoring future leaders.
1. Talking too much
Executives are often appointed to responsible positions because of their ability to speak well, think on their feet and respond quickly. They are also used to people wanting to hear what they have to say, and to leading conversations. As a result, some executive mentors make the mistake of talking too much during their sessions with their mentees.
The problem is that it’s more valuable for a mentor to listen than to speak. A mentor shouldn’t “talk at” a mentee or tell them what to do. Rather, they should give them the space to talk through their dilemmas without judgment, so that they can develop their own problem-solving abilities.
If you find yourself talking more than your mentee, try asking more questions. Particularly helpful are questions that probe beneath the surface of mentees’ issues.
2. Not setting clear expectations
When mentoring for leadership, executive mentors often make assumptions about the mentee: what their goals are, what their particular set of challenges are, and what they bring to the table.
Sometimes this happens because executives see themselves in their mentees, particularly when mentoring for leadership. This can lead them to mentor “in their own image”, or imagine that they are mentoring their younger self.
Are you on the same page as your mentee?
One result of mentoring in one’s own image is a tendency for the mentor to assume that the mentee is going to follow in their footsteps. This may not be the case: the mentee might have different goals and a different definition of success. If the two individuals are not on the same page in terms of where the mentee wants to go, the mentoring relationship is unlikely to produce a successful outcome.
Are you sure about your mentee’s ultimate goals? What do they want to achieve in their career, and how do they define success? Even if you’re not at the start point of your executive mentoring relationship, it isn’t too late to have a conversation about expectations.
3. Relying solely on face-to-face meetings
The old-school concept of executive mentoring involves face-to-face meetings in a corner office or at a nice restaurant. There are still executive mentors who subscribe to this method, and don’t want to use modern technology to connect with their mentee.
This old-school practice ignores the reality that executives and other professionals face today — namely, that they are busier than ever. This means it isn’t always practical to meet face to face, so if you insist on in-person meetings these will end up being further and further apart.
Undermining rapport
Because trust in a mentoring relationship is built over time and multiple interactions, the old‑school approach can seriously undermine the rapport that you need to build at the beginning of a mentoring relationship, and thus dilute its overall success.
By contrast, technology can enhance executive mentoring relationships in so many ways. For example, it can:
- ease the logistical and administrative burden of scheduling meetings
- give the mentor and mentee more opportunities to connect with each other
- allow the mentee to receive “just-in-time” mentoring when they really need it — for instance, before an important meeting.
If you’re uncomfortable with using technology in your mentoring work, it may be a good idea to consider online mentor training. This will enable you to learn new strategies for connecting with your mentee across time and distance, and raise your confidence level.
4. Being a poor role model
No-one is perfect, and you don’t need to be a flawless executive in order to be a successful mentor. However, a “do as I say, not as I do” approach is bound to fail, as mentees will always pay more attention to your actions than your words.
When mentoring leaders, executives’ behaviour can be amplified. If a mentor is cutting corners, acting unethically, or simply not doing right by others, it sends their mentees a message that this sort of behaviour is acceptable — or even necessary to get ahead. Poor behaviour on the part of mentors can build a culture that accepts bad behaviour within the organisation.
Are you modelling the values that you hope to instil in your mentee? Mentoring for leadership requires solid character and a commitment to espoused values. Are you “walking the walk”, not just “talking the talk?”
People who are new to executive mentoring frequently make mistakes. However, it’s never too late to set things right. Communication is key: talk to your mentee, explain that you’re working on your mentoring skills, and share with them what you plan to do differently.
Are you an executive tasked with mentoring some of your organisation’s future leaders? For more tips on how to avoid common pitfalls, email me or call me on 020 7099 2621.